Chair Luge #14
Not from the stars do I my judgement pluck, but from the eyes of beholders of the luge.
– Almost Shakespeare
It is such poetic reverence that I hold for the luge, that you might hold too; in that for an afternoon you may enjoy beyond a normal fall day.
Yes, #14. Was it so long ago that an ambulance charged off with an unlikely contestant (and even less likely winner) in a football uniform and as luck would have it, a real football helmet? The only serious injury ever to occur, is now 11 years gone by, and the survivor is said to be alive and living comfortably in a nearby town, writing his memoirs, with only one chapter so far, “Chair Luge #3, The Big One”. Like any of us might, he is making a go of his mishap and embarrassing his entire tribe. The book deals are not piling up.
Well, a lot of water has passed under that bridge. And now, after 2 years of no luge, It Is Back!
In Front of the Ale House, Saturday, September 24, 2022, 2PM.
Not unlike at Churchill Downs or at the Indy Speedway, our race begins with a fair amount of pageantry. We tap the Oktoberfest Keg. We listen to the 3-3 cadence of a real Bavarian folk band, and we compete to hold steins of beer, arms outstretched, for as long as the second runner up, plus a bit more. Then we are properly prepared for the 14th Gardner Chair Luge. Through several heats would-be winners glide gracelessly down newly paved West St. (‘Bout freakin’ time that job got done. What, was it like 3 years? Cast my patience in a new light, that one did. It is beautiful though and worth the wait, right?) in pursuit of the Chair Luge trophy and Gardner News front page fame. What more could there be? Well, there is The Chair Luge Trophy and $200 in one-dollar bills to the winner. There is also $200 in one-dollar bills to the costume winner. There are secondary and tertiary prizes (2nd and 3rd place). And perhaps the best and only real reason to be there is to view and witness our superhero emcee, who remains now, for 13 years, anonymous. Gender free and with no ego (It would have to be no ego, what with the ridiculous outfits and embarrassing show of whatever body parts come to mind.), our emcee teases, cajoles and mocks the competitors and the crowds. Emcee makes up rules as the race progresses, keeping it as fair and ridiculous, but mostly confusing, as possible.
Our emcee rules for about an hour or so. Then we all rule the rest of the day. And there is plenty more of the day after this.
Sponsor Gardner Chair Luge here and be shouted out in your name and be important for about an hour plus.
Sign up to enter a luge here. Do it now and save $20 off the regular $50 price. Such a deal. And if you are an OG we won’t even charge you – welcome back! And if you have to look up OG, then you aren’t one, so don’t worry.
And win this!
Okotberfest Lineup
11:30AM Tapping of the Oktoberfest Keg
1 PM Men’s and Women’s Steinholding Competition
2 PM The Gardner Chair Luge
3:30 PM Live Music Begins with Bennett Matteo Band
5:15 PM Matt Swanton Band with guest Wildcat O’Halloran
6:30 PM New Pond Fondle
